A day in the life of a Grand Proxy

A day in the life of a Grand Proxy

FERENGINAR — One of the most underestimated jobs in Ferenginar, the Grand Proxy is dispatched by the Grand Nagus to act in his stead in all actions regarding Ferengi.

Ferengi may have changed somewhat in the last twenty or thirty years, and the Rules of Acquisition have mellowed. As such, the post is one of the most demanding in Ferengi culture, with the capacity to be dispatched to anywhere the Grand Nagus decides his influence is most needed.

One such mission was to act as Ambassador, negotiator and broker with members of the Gamma Quadrant over mineral rights being sent to Earth. Invited to find out the gravitas of the role, this reporter joined the Grand Proxy to find out what exactly is a typical day.

Firstly, we met in her office and chatted over a Slug-O-Cola while she reviewed the latest news from across the Quadrants. The morning was taken up with minor issues as she prepared to visit Qo’Nos, the Klingon homeworld, to discuss a problem concerning plans of targ breeding efficiencies. A brave Ferengi noticed a gap in the market and had started a programme to produce them and export them to Qo’nos at a very reasonable amount.

If a Ferengi can be considered enigmatic, it is the Grand Proxy. She takes great pride in her lobes and proudly states she is immune to male charms, so Oo-Mox is less distracting for her.

Sipping her drink, she smiles in the least Ferengi smile I have ever seen. After a light lunch of Tube Grub, she prepares to depart. Receiving communication from the Grand Nagus, she contacted the ship booked for her passage to ensure they are ready to leave. Her assistant ensures her baggage is packed and ready to go.

With another smile, she leaves me behind as she sets off to conclude the business deal, ensuring that this is one transaction the Grand Nagus will take his share in taxes as she goes.

“The old Ferengi business practises may be dying out,” she informed me, as a parting gesture of wisdom, “they aren’t going without an occasional twitch.”

The old saying be careful who you do business with is still alive and well for now.

About Triff Gryce

Triff Gryce is a prolific reader and critic of holonovels. Having started his career as a writer and finding mediocre success for his holonovel Around the Quadrant in 1,000 Meals, the 104-year-old human sticks now to reviewing new holonovels.

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