Klingon tired of waiting at hospital steals medical shuttlecraft

KETHA LOWLANDS, QO’NOS — In a surprising act, a Klingon warrior from the Ketha Province, now dubbed “Kethaman” by amused onlookers, commandeered a medical shuttlecraft from the capital’s trauma facility after “waiting too long” to be seen.

Eyewitnesses report that “Kethaman”, whose full identity has not been released pending charges, arrived at First City Hospital with a dislocated shoulder sustained in an “unrelated bat’leth demonstration gone awry.” After several hours in triage, the warrior reportedly announced to the entire waiting room, “Enough! I will conquer my own treatment!” before marching through a restricted area, shoving aside a security drone, and boarding an idle Type-6 medical shuttle.

“He roared something about inefficient systems and demanded glorious battle with the staff,” said an eyewitness, a Ferengi merchant treated for plasma burns. “When no one obliged, he just flew off.”

Security footage shows the shuttle weaving erratically through First City airspace before landing—rather roughly—outside a local bloodwine tavern. “Kethaman” emerged triumphantly from the cockpit, demanded a mug of the house’s finest, and proceeded to pop his own shoulder back into place before fainting.

When apprehended, “Kethaman” reportedly insisted the theft was justified by the “agonising dishonour of excessive waiting.” He is currently being held by Klingon authorities, though sources suggest he’ll likely face more of a public scolding than formal charges. The Ketha Province’s regional governor issued a brief statement: “He will answer for his deeds—over gagh.”

This isn’t Kethaman’s first brush with chaos. Records indicate prior incidents involving the unauthorised commandeering of a gagh freighter to avoid “tedious” customs inspections and a brief but memorable attempt to “to suplex a kr’tak bird mid-flight.”

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About Chas Vasser

Chas Vasser is a human lifestyle journalist specializing in Arts and Culture with a starting career in holo-vidlogging. A graduate in dramatic studies from Amazon University in Brazil, she travels around the Federation with her dog Havoc.

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