Wedding party denied boarding at Lunaport after binging on Romulan Ale

LUNAR ONE COLONY — A wedding party was denied boarding onto a transport from Lunaport space station after reportedly drinking four cases of Romulan Ale in fifteen minutes in response to being informed that they could not take thirty-five cases of the substance as hand luggage.

The bachelorette at the centre of the allegations, a Starfleet Officer named only as Thalaa to protect her identity, was determined by staff at the Federation Port Authority to be severely under the influence of alcohol and a risk to the safety of other passengers. She was only one among twelve Andorians and Klingons who were reportedly too inebriated to fly.

Upon investigation, it was found the cases of Romulan Ale, a substance illegal under Federation Law, had been gifted as a wedding present and had been imported to the colony by means of an independent vessel. Station officials informed the party that they were not permitted to board the transport with the cases, to which the response from the gathered partygoers was to immediately try and drink the contents of the shipment.

One station port official described how the bachelorette had started to shout at the customs officials and had to be coaxed down from the roof of the crew transport shuttlecraft after climbing up the starboard wing.

“She was jumping up and down on the roof of the shuttle, with what we assume was an inflatable Klingon warrior male with a very large… bat’leth,” said Emil Spencer, the station’s security assistant director. “Although, it was quite hard to get a good look during all the gratuitous thrusting.”

Lunaport communications director Yavik tried to describe what was overheard from the destructive and disorderly bride-to-be.

“The universal translator had a tough time picking up what she was saying, I’ll tell you that much,” lamented Yavik, wracking his brain to give an accurate representation of what had occurred. “There was an icy rage mentioned, ‘love never dies,’ and something about guts and glory. Oh, and she tried to do an Andorian battle dance before falling over. I thought she was going to fall right off the roof!”

The group were hustled out of the boarding port and into a safe area to be attended by a physician. The fate of the remaining thirty-one cases of Romulan Ale is still to be determined.

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About Chas Vasser

Chas Vasser is a human lifestyle journalist specializing in Arts and Culture with a starting career in holo-vidlogging. A graduate in dramatic studies from Amazon University in Brazil, she travels around the Federation with her dog Havoc.

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