MOR’EM CHA, QO’NOS — In a crowded, smoke-filled taproom in the city of Mor’em Cha, the sound one doesn’t expect to hear is that of a Vulcan lute accompanied shortly after by a ripping, heart-hammering solo on a Klingon-styled bat’leth guitar.
You could be forgiven for believing this is a secluded occurrence, unprecedented in its destructive disregard for the seasoned eardrum. A new revival in cultural sound has taken the Klingon music scene by storm in the last decade. Late-centurians are not content with simply rejecting the music and clothing of the older generation; they aim to completely destroy the perception of a traditional Klingon harmony.
The particular band in question, named “Hab SoSli’ Quch!” (The publication apologizes for the slur. —Ed.) promises an evening of “cultural appreciation”, during which various music genres throughout the Federation will be featured and combined. A Vulcan funeral dirge is twinned with a Bajoran Boldaric, accompanied by the ear-splitting noise of the Ressikan flute player hovering in the background like a coward while the proud Klingon concertina musician proudly stands in the front to deafen those too near the stage.
“Human, your puny ears would not understand the delight that comes from rendering the complexities of the mighty Klingon eardrum to a bloody pulp,” Bradac, a spokesperson for the band, declared while fighting to be heard over the wails of a Human violin combined with a Bajoran tivara.
It would appear that some of the older Klingon music lovers do not share the same views on such contemporary art.
“They pride themselves on being unrelatable,” said Rargik of the House of Noggra, who gave this reporter a long and fastidious interview regarding the habits of these late-centurians and how they are progressively ruining the Klingon way of life. “They refuse to eat gagh, whether out of disdain for the barbarism or it is simply too much work to fight with the creature through the digestive tract. They bathe regularly with an assortment of hand-crafted soaps from the shores of Risa and beyond. They refuse to break the clavicle on the wedding night, fearing irreparable damage to their mate. Their blood-wine is infused with fruit from around the galaxy. They demonstrate the adoption of a Vulcan vegetarian diet. It is entirely un-Klingon!”
Is this the end of the traditional, socially obscure ways of the Klingon Empire as a new generation takes hold of the future? Are they doomed to fall beneath the tread of renewable and sustainable footwear made from bark instead of targhide? This reporter would not like to speculate.
Today is a good day to hold dear the holodisks of time-honoured Klingon opera, as the Empire falls beneath the treaded boots of a generation set on decimating the Klingon way of life, while those who prefer the traditional ways are confined to meliorism.
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