Behind the Scenes at FNS: Office Oddities, Tribbles, and a Cat

FNS HEADQUARTERS — Not all news happens on the frontlines of starships or at diplomatic summits. Sometimes, the real stories are tucked away in the day-to-day chaos here at Federation News Service Headquarters. From curious emails to office pets pulling the wool (or fur) over our eyes, here’s a glimpse behind the curtain.

“Disturbing” Opinions and Math Wizards

We received a message recently, stating that one of our opinion pieces was “disturbing” to a reader. In our reply, we explained that opinion pieces, by nature, reflect personal perspectives—and readers are free to share their own thoughts.

The response?
“Well, it’s my opinion that I don’t like it!”

This one’s been sent to the higher-ups for discussion. Democracy in action.

Cookies and Catastrophes

A thoughtful fan sent cookies to the office. They were delicious, appreciated, and devoured—special shoutout to the oatmeal raisin with walnuts, a personal favourite.

Not all treats, however, are so welcome. Case in point: the flickering turbolift lights. A quick check behind the side panel revealed… tribbles. Tribbles everywhere. Security was called (calmly, we assure you) to handle the furball situation.

Snippets from the Inbox

Some gems from recent email exchanges:

• Subject: I need help
  Response: I can certainly help you out! May I ask what’s happening?
  Follow-up: Never mind, I got it.
• Coworker’s email:
  “I’m in the office today. Come by to chat. Or have a breakdown. It’s that kind of day.”

Mood.

A PSA for Missing Persons

Readers, please remember: if you believe a member of your crew or family has gone missing, please contact Starfleet Security or your local authorities. While we at FNS are always here to report the news, we are not equipped to run personal ads for missing persons.

Once the proper channels are notified, the relevant information will be passed to us.

Felix the Cat: Hero or Mastermind?

We’re pleased (and slightly embarrassed) to introduce Felix, the sleek black cat who has officially become the mascot of FNS Headquarters.

However, it seems Felix has also become a master of manipulation. In the month since we found him outside, this charming feline has convinced various staff members that he hasn’t eaten—multiple times a day. As of 1000 hours this morning, there were five different plates of food scattered across the grounds, with Felix darting between them like the well-fed con artist he is.

Felix is now on a diet. If you’d like to see photos of our darling office mascot (and perhaps offer weight loss tips), feel free to reach out.

Helpful Tip of the Day

From Salinca, one of our finest:
“Only wear skirts with pockets. Otherwise, you will inevitably find yourself wishing you had some.”

Wise words for the ages.

That’s all for this instalment of Behind the Scenes at FNS. Stay tuned for more office tales, tribble trouble, and cat conundrums. Until next time—keep reading, keep questioning, and keep laughing.

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