Visit Ferenginar: An offer you can’t refuse

Visit Ferenginar: An offer you can’t refuse

It is with great pleasure, (and no fees attached) that I announce an update on all things Ferengi, in this special Federation guide.

So gone is that poor excuse that you cannot visit Ferenginar because its people are a mystery to you and you wouldn’t know which place to visit anyway. All that is worth knowing about Ferenginar now appears on this page. From the dark ‘barter age’ where the Ferengi only knew the basics of commerce to the rise of Grand Nagus Rom, whom, in his immense wisdom, gave business rights to women, so that we could be even more present throughout the galaxy.

So no more hesitation! This summer, book a trip to Ferenginar, and enjoy all the views that the Sacred Market Place has to offer. (If you know where to look, there will always be a special offer somewhere, and many opportunities to indulge in what we call ‘pious consumerism’).

Don’t just stay in our Capital City, though, be adventurous! There is always a bargain to be had in the Gothis Mountains, a tourist trap like none, where you will be able to relax among non Ferengi species, as the locals are far too busy enriching themselves to go trekking aimlessly in the wild countryside. As the saying goes: it is their loss and your gain! You will have a fantastic vista (rest assured, there are no smelly swamps at those sort of altitudes), all for yourself.

As I type those words, I visualize you squirming. Ferenginar is still not for you, you say. The food’s revolting (your thoughts, not mine). Well, fear not Federation Citizen! The whole of the Ferengi Alliance is ruled by MegaCorporations that will sell you whatever it is that your heart, and your stomach, desire. The mere idea of Slug Steaks or a cool Snail Juice make you want to throw up? We have it all covered. You can find all your favorite delicacies from our chain stores. The best ones are found in Weevilville, our absolute best Emporium. (Yes, I know how it sounds: I have been paid to mention that place. See, I’m too honest for my own good).

So don’t delay, pay a visit to Ferenginar, now, this instant! There is a 2% discount if you bring your significant other, a further 5% off if you bring your family to our shores.

Written by special contributor Brek.