“Spiffy Spaceport” a boon to down-on-their-luck Ferengi

FERENGINAR — Ferengi society, famously centered around profit, has been shaken to its core by an unlikely development: a new chain of charitable starship supply depots.

Ten years ago, Toglotz and Raglotz were prominent broadcast personalities, known across Ferengi-affiliated space for their humorous and occasionally useful advice, transmitted via subspace to independent freighter captains throughout the quadrant. Irascible, yet radiating an almost genuine affection for one another, the brothers became mainstays of the so-called “spacewaves.” When Toglotz’s health declined, the pair were forced into retirement.

“We decided we’d been at this for so long,” explained Raglotz in a 2394 interview, “that we’d answered just about every question out there that needed answering. So the obvious next step presented itself: syndication!”

With no need to record new material, the pair—sometimes referred to as “Bleep and Bloop, the Buttunn brothers”—faced a new challenge. Unsatisfied with a quiet retirement and ever mindful that one can always have more latinum, they sought ways to capitalize on their newfound free time.

“As the humans say, ‘time is money,’” quipped Toglotz. But the brothers recognized a problem: much of their wealth and reputation had been built upon the ears—and other auditory sensory apparati—of non-Ferengi listeners, including a sizable Federation audience from a range of worlds. To maintain their momentum, they needed a flexible, innovative approach to profit.

They found it in an unconventional strategy, at least by Ferengi standards: establishing the first charity starship service depot on Ferenginar, christened “Spiffy Spaceport.”

“True, Rule 189 says, ‘Let others keep their reputation; you keep their latinum,’” admitted Raglotz. “But Rule 144 reminds us, ‘There’s nothing wrong with charity, as long as it winds up in your pocket!’”

The business model is relatively straightforward. In exchange for the donation of an unwanted starship or shuttle, Toglotz and Raglotz promise well-heeled donors a percentage of the profits derived from the donation. At the brothers’ expense, the vessel is flown, towed, or broken down and reassembled on less capitalist Federation worlds, where labor costs are negligible. From there, the craft is awarded to any would-be captain with a business plan—in exchange for a (healthy) share of future profits.

So far, the brothers report that the venture has been a roaring success.

“We’ve opened up locations on three other Ferengi colonies!” bragged Toglotz. “Sure, the ships aren’t worth the latinum it costs to move them—but the folks who take them are desperate, and pretty bad at reading contracts! We can’t lose!”

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