Dr. Rasaf answers a question from a reader torn between two worlds.
Dear Dr. Rasaf,
Growing up on Betazed, I was expected to not only be comfortable with my emotions, but also be comfortable with everyone else around me knowing what I was feeling and thinking. The trouble is, I’m not. I’ve never been as comfortable with the openness of my peers. Honestly, sometimes I think I was born on the wrong planet.
I’ll start my university studies later this year, and I want to go to Vulcan to study mathematics. I love everything about their culture, and I just feel I’ll fit better there. I thought because I’ve gained admission to a prestigious university there, my parents would be proud, but they’re not happy and taking it personally. They think I’m trying to get away from them. Even worse, my mother is on the board at the University of Betazed and has apparently had the next four years of my life already planned out there. All of her friends and my extended family are expecting me to go.
I love them, but how do I let them understand why I want to go to Vulcan without devastating them?
-Breaking Hearts on Betazed
Dear Breaking Hearts,
Despite expectations not every individual of a society will be comfortable with it. There are many others like yourself who are not comfortable with the society they are born into.
Change is difficult, especially for parents. Most, even without being aware of it, can be traditionalists. Parents will always have expectations for their children.
That being said, if you choose to follow the plan your family set out for you, it will be more difficult for you to find the happiness and self satisfaction you desire in your life.
If however, you choose to follow your path to Vulcan, you will be taking control of your own life. This is not easily done.
It is clear you cannot do both. You have to decide who has control of your future. You or your family? Yes, they may be unhappy if you choose to go to Vulcan, but they are your family and if they love you, in time they will accept it.
Reader’s Second Opinion
Do you agree with Dr. Rasaf’s advice or have your own question? Leave a comment below. Here’s our featured reader’s second opinion:
Dear Breaking Hearts,
Your family went through a lot of time and trouble to give you a future that is not afforded to many. It is the place of children to obey their parents. Suck it up. You are fortunate to have a family that cares for you. To just run away would not only be devastating, but extremely rude and selfish. So suck it up and do as you’re told.