Luxury gagh… in your pantry?

SKRAL RIVER, QO’NOS – An independent farmer from Qo’NoS is filling the bellies of Federation citizens with a new brand of gagh.

“A widely sought after version is our Green Gagh, which, as the name suggests, is fully organic,” Ratrass Gurn said while grabbing handfuls of the highly prized proteinous worms. “Our other strain is Black Gagh, a heritage breed, which has a more slippery texture and provides a good fight on the way down.”

Gurn owns the growing farms and fisheries of Skral River Gagh, situated near the shores of the titular Skral River. They claim to supply everything needed to create a hearty meal from traditional gagh recipes. You would be forgiven for thinking that all gagh is the same, at least by a non-Klingon; the wriggling delicacy is not a popular menu item within the Federation. According to Gurn, his brand of torgud gagh is bred in the river itself, famous as the site of the last conflict between Kahless the Unforgettable and the hated tyrant Molar. Here it is infused with the warrior spirit that lives in the water, and bathed in the natural light of Qo’noS’ sun.

A Ferengi enthusiast of torgud gagh, Sragg, runs a specialised transportation service alongside Skral River Gagh, ensuring the timely delivery of shipments around the Alpha Quadrant and guarantees unparalleled freshness. His organisation, Sragg Speciality Healthy Delivery, has also branched into the preservation market, providing customers with select equipment to store gagh in optimal conditions whether you are out and about, at home, or stationed in space.

“Everyone should have the benefit of a healthy protein for breakfast, lunch and dinner,” Sragg enthused vigorously. “The need to keep gagh so fresh used to create significant challenges for anyone wishing to enjoy it on the road. It feeds my soul to see customers purchasing our specialised regulatory equipment to keep their gagh in perfect condition.”

On investigation, it would appear that it is not only Sragg’s soul that is being fed by the market demand for a sustainable storage method. The units themselves reach prices that would make the richest of eyes widen. One preservation system is described as “the Enterprise of coolant tanks”; devoid of any synthetic material, it features integrated power regeneration and automated diagnostic cycles that maintain a continuous data uplink to your PADD, allowing you to keep a constant eye on the condition of your gagh.

The gargantuan price tag for both the gagh and the techno-scientific devices has not diminished their popularity, and both companies are already experiencing record sellouts, due in particular to the passionate response from Klingon culinary masters looking to expand their range of high-quality goods while far from home.

“You can obtain weak and limp gagh from industrial farms,” Klingon food expert Wopom K’tox advised. “I will swear on my ancestors that you cannot resist the wriggling delights of this niche market product.”

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About Chas Vasser

Chas Vasser is a human lifestyle journalist specializing in Arts and Culture with a starting career in holo-vidlogging. A graduate in dramatic studies from Amazon University in Brazil, she travels around the Federation with her dog Havoc.

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